as time passes your purpose in life changes. at least for some. this purpose can be a goal or something you’re forced to do. for example. when you were young the purpose in life was to go to school, do your chores, watch cartoons, play outside. you get the idea. as you got older it was to get a part time job, ask out that girl, get into college.
as you get older you start to achieve some of the purposes you’ve set for yourself. others – you don’t really think about. it’s there but you think – i’ll get to them. i’ve got plenty of time.
when i was in my 20’s i thought that by the time i’m 30 i will be married with kids living in a house. i actually believed this because 30 was so far away. i also believed that after i graduated from college i would move to San Francisco to join a design firm, then to NYC then to Europe to become a famous graphic designer. funny how things change. but funny how things also happen. although these were my dreams i also had my goals – or purposes if you will.
when i was in high school i was still searching for my purpose. i didn’t know what i wanted to do. i applied to just one college which made my parents worry because… well… i was a bit of a problem child when i was in high school. but amazingly i got into the college i applied to. then i met a friend of mine who was attending the University of Washington and he told me about a program there called ‘Visual Communication.’
up til that point i really didn’t know what i wanted to do. actually that’s not true. i wanted to be a cartoonist. i wanted to draw comics. but my parents forbid me from pursuing it. i basically drew only to pay for some of my college expenses by drawing for the college paper. but Visual Communication seemed like the perfect compromise. it’s design / artistic but still a career which will ease my parent’s worries.
when i transferred to UW my purpose was to get into the Visual Communication program. after i got in i wanted to become the best in the class. i wouldn’t say i was the best… but i did become one of the top students for my class.
after i graduated i wanted to learn. i moved from one company to the next trying to learn as much as possible. i’m at a point now where for the past 3 jobs i had they were given to me without a portfolio or interview. if i had an interview they were more for show then anything else. i have been self-employed and able to get work purely from word-of-mouth for the past 3 years. so you can say that i have achieved some sense of accomplishment in my field.
but now what. what is my purpose now. i can tell you if you had asked me this same question a year ago. i could’ve told you in a heart beat. my purpose in life was to marry Vineesha and be happy. but now what. i feel lost right now.
i don’t know what my purpose in life right now is.
professional life : i really don’t have a goal which drives me. i know that i’ve set a goal for myself of achieving enough passive income to cover all expenses by the end of 2010, but that doesn’t seem like my purpose. it’s something i’ve set for myself in the hopes of creating a spark for design again.
love life : with my previous purpose of marrying Vineesha and being happy being gone i really don’t know what my purpose is. as of now i would say getting over Vineesha… but i don’t know if i can or want to.
other interests : i really don’t have anything. i don’t have hobbies, i don’t have interests. i don’t have anything which could or would be considered a spark or hint as to what my purpose is or could be.
i feel right now i’m just existing. i do the minimal amount of work to survive. it earns me enough to pay my monthly bills. it doesn’t allow for any savings. and the sad bit is… i’m okay with this. i have no desires to do anything. i don’t feel as if i have a purpose in life. i’m just living life. letting the days pass by with indifference of the passing of time. yet i feel the pangs of time becoming shorter. i’m 34 years old – 35 by July of this year. what do i have to show for it. what do i want to do. what is my purpose in life.